Highly effective people are also good sleepers. Or so the latest research would indicate, sweeping away centuries of myths about the fine line between genius and insomnia. Count Leo Tolstoy liked to take a long afternoon nap and follow it with his morning bath – to the confusion of the servant in charge of the soap. The ancient Greek mathematician and inventor of the first working odometer, Archimedes, could often be found dozing face-up in the sand, with each of his legs forming the base of an imaginary right triangle. His tragic death came about when the head of an invading Roman army woke him and asked for directions to Athens.
“Idiot. Can’t you see I’m working?” were the last words of the great thinker, who had he lived longer, would probably have gone on to create MapQuest.
Nevertheless, with all the evidence in favor of sleep, the conundrum still remains of why exactly it is necessary. Health professionals like to go on about tired brain cells and impaired judgment, but the real answer to the mystery of why we need to drift off from time to time may be social. When we sleep, according to Dr. Emil Sonnenright, the noted psychologist and author of the bestseller “Wake Me When It’s Over!”, we are communicating powerful messages to others. These messages can range from “I’m not interested in what you’re saying at the moment,” as when we drop off in the middle of someone else’s sentence, to “ I sure have a lot to accomplish and should start before the day gets away from me.” Paradoxically, collapsing in an overwhelmed posture on an available couch may be a way of letting the world know how busy we are.
In a recent phone interview, Dr. Sonnenright explained his philosophy of sleep: “We all dream of a world where those who normally interfere in our lives would know better and that is Planet Sleep. When we make an abrupt, unscheduled visit there, it is then no irresponsible or solipsistic act but could for instance be a way of telling an employer that what we do on our own time is none of their business. On the other hand, a parent who nods off while reading their child a bedtime story may be hinting as to whose bedtime it really is. It follows then that crankiness is a symptom of sleep deprivation not for the reasons that are usually thought. We are cranky because the emotions that we normally express through sleep back up on us not because we are tired…we are tired…we are…”
At this point Dr. Sonnenright could not be reached for further comment.
We do some of our best sleeping with others. Now here I do not mean that kind of “sleeping.” That is not the only way to become close to someone in bed. Many couples also report experiencing a “weird sense of togetherness” as if they’d “stayed up having a heated, involved discussion” after nights spent tossing in sync while tugging the blankets back and forth. Each tug, each crafty effort to “hash it out,” or roll in such a way as to monopolize the available source of warmth for oneself, represents part of an ongoing dialogue about the yard, what’s on the DVR queue, taxes, etc. Things they might never say aloud to each other, like “You know that awful blue shirt you can’t find? I threw it out,” find expression during these nocturnal encounters.
According to marriage counselors, couples who do not communicate when they are asleep in bed are usually not communicating during waking hours either. If you or someone you know falls into this category, there are simple techniques that can put the spark back into your sleep life. Before turning in, try lighting incense candles and then putting on romantic, mood-setting music. Wear something unexpected to bed, like a see-through Grateful Dead t-shirt. (Hint: here actual holes help.) After that, close your eyes and let nature take its course.
Like any other kind, slumberous communication can be taken too far as in cases of actual kicking or aggressive snoring. Still, even then it is best not “to opt out of the discussion” by grabbing a pillow and moving to the downstairs couch. (For one thing, this may be exactly what the other person wants.) Instead, try responding with your own body so as to say, “I hear you but perhaps a little too loudly. Could you take it down a notch or two?” A fetal position, with hands over the ears, conveys this nicely.
We cannot all be geniuses like Archimedes and Tolstoy. But with enough sleep most of us can lead highly effective and fulfilling lives. The senior administrator; the happily married taxidermist; these are people who know how to hang a “Gone Fishing” sign from the yardarm. When deadlines loom and others give in to the frenzy of the moment, they are not to be found at their battle stations. They are to be found sacked out under them.
You can try beating them or joining them, but if it is the latter, I have a personal request: please don’t snore.
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